My room smells like vodka and shame
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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