Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
