I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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