Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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