bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
