every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
