How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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