Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
