i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
