I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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