i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
