life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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