i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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