Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You took a bar mat shot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
