Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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