Me too!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
