awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
