It's like God shit irony all over that family
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
