Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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