Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
