was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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