I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
