I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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