Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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