my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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