why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
