ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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