Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
is it fun? or sober?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
