Ambien. No doubt about it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
