My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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