I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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