Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
