Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
