im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
