i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
