Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
