I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
