You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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