My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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