did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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