I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
