He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
