I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
