Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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