I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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