Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
