I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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