this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
