Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
