i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
