Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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