i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
