So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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