I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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