Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved

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  (386): Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved http://tfl.nu/rva0
  Replies (10) Good night (2907) Bad night (821)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

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  (815): What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"? http://tfl.nu/6zhr
  Replies (34) Good night (2250) Bad night (3045)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

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  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
  Replies (12) Good night (1137) Bad night (6577)
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  (530): View more from California

  Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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  (530): Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :( http://tfl.nu/eg10
  Replies (18) Good night (831) Bad night (7124)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
  Replies (30) Good night (10538) Bad night (927)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.

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  (815): Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. http://tfl.nu/ev5h
  Replies (5) Good night (5255) Bad night (890)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.

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  (210): After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pl4c
  Replies (17) Good night (3199) Bad night (925)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak

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  (217): Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak http://tfl.nu/5n5o
  Replies (12) Good night (2384) Bad night (1188)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.

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  (773): His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ofzk
  Replies (24) Good night (2070) Bad night (4013)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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  (419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5
  Replies (7) Good night (1525) Bad night (476)
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  (925): View more from California

  Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.

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  (925): Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days. http://tfl.nu/goog
  Replies (4) Good night (410) Bad night (756)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.

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  (317): This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new. http://tfl.nu/2l1q
  Replies (1) Good night (706) Bad night (331)
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  (310): View more from California

  If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.

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  (310): If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me. http://tfl.nu/jaom
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (326)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon

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  (704): I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon http://tfl.nu/9347
  Replies (0) Good night (241) Bad night (399)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children

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  (804): Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children http://tfl.nu/bp23
  Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (279)

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