If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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