please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
