nut hugger
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
