I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
