Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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