You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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