Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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