No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
