can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
