She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he fucked my hip out of place.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
