for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
