it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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