Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
