just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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