Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i've created a new STD.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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