i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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